You would not be holding on to something if you didn't think the alternative would be worse

[reading out a submitted question] One of the biggest challenges they’re finding is that several negative beliefs about their self-value and worthiness is coming up and they don’t know how to fully love themselves under the circumstances. Is there any hint…

[interrupting] Let’s go back to the Motivational Mechanism.

This is the purest form of understanding why you choose to do what you choose to do, why you choose to believe what you choose to believe, why you hold onto things the way you hold on to them.

Experiencing the idea of feeling unworthy of self-love means that you have attached to the Motivational Mechanism, a belief that says loving yourself unconditionally carries with it, somehow, effects that you don’t prefer, that you believe are more negative than what you’re experiencing by continuing to experience a lack of self-love.

So you have to really dig deep in your honest self-investigation on your Motivational Mechanism, as why you would hold on to something that says you’re not enjoying it. You’re not enjoying not loving yourself and yet you consistently keep doing so. So you have to have a belief that says you’re getting something out of continuing that path, rather than letting go and going in the alternate way.

You have to find out what you believe would be so bad about loving yourself that you refuse to do it. So you have to examine your definitions, what you’ve been taught in life, what you’ve been brought up with, and really reach that kernel, that core belief that says “refuse to love yourself because the alternative is worse”.

You have to find out why you would believe the alternative, that loving yourself would be worse than not loving yourself.

Is not loving yourself safer, Less alienating to people, making you more like everyone else, so you don’t have to feel too different?

You require yourself to examine all these different and other possibilities of why you would hold on to something you don’t prefer because you would not be holding on to it if you didn’t think the alternative would be worse.

Bashar - The Three Behaviors of Connection - July 2023